Picklejars
Before even our Mother is born she will carry within her every egg she produces throughout her life. If that is not amazing enough, one of those eggs needs to be fertilised on the right month and in the right year in order for you to live, what’s more amazing is that was already decided upon. You are so amazing in potential that you have the capacity to change the world; welcome it’s a privilege to have you read this page.
The problem for the vast majority of us is that we never get to realise this. From the moment we are born we are conditioned, pickled if you will. Pickled into what to wear, think like, eat, watch, listen to, be like, look like, act like; and so on. Think of our thinking world into which we were born being like an empty pickling jar. As time goes on, the early years through school and then on into work and adulthood our jars become filled with other peoples views of us, shaped and moulded by how others would see us be, so much so we believe it, we end up seeing ourselves through the eyes of others and what we see is almost always a false representation of the truth of who we really are. We become hard wired a particular way, a way that has the potential to stop us ever being who we truly are meant to be.
Now, I am not saying that what happens to us is all bad but for the vast majority this is what happens, it happens unknowingly as the parents to were no better informed than us, they to have been beguiled and pickled. This pickling for them as it is for us will create within us all many potentially negative consequences, sometime massive, sometimes only very subtle, which is worse? both are poison! What is most frightening to me is the fact that so much of this pickling process is complete by the time we are 7 years old! life then builds to reinforce what we learn to accept and believe about ourselves, thereafter we simply add to it, we walk a path blindly doing things that often feel completely right until they go wrong and then we ask why me, we have no idea as to why.
I think Paul says it best in the New Testament when he says "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do" "I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me" only much later does he learn the truth and in turn finds true contentment "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want"
Is it any wonder that so many of us through the course of our lifetime feel this pain, sometimes not even a pain, just a gentle gnawing or nibbling at our confidence, our nerves, our soul, where is this being of joy that was created to be? When I say joy I do not mean a permi grinner, real Joy comes from within, it is part of who we are is it not? "I have learnt to be content......." Who are these people I speak of? The rich, the poor, the jobless, the homeless, the doctors, the lawyers, the bakers, the nurses, the tax collectors, the teachers, the plumbers, the milk man, the postman etc etc? who are they?? In my experience it is all of us, none of us is immune from the odd stumble in this life. To stumble is one of life's great gifts. A stumble is a warning for what follows. A stumble if unheeded precludes a fall! Don't be fooled by the rich, the show boaters, the show off's the quiet ones, the everyone's, each of us are masters of our own delusions, delusions so devious even we don't see them until the next stumble, the next fall and we all fall. For many it is at the end of their life that the true gift of who they are is revealed, you see ego has time, do you? I know this as I have seen it, but it needn't be this way. Our ego's have their hands over our eyes. John Newton penned amazing grace in which he writes, I was blind but now I see in recognition of this fact, blinded spiritually by a culture that saw the slave trade as fair and right before becoming humanly blind in which his heart then blazed truth.
Because of this conditioning (pickling) we are subjected throughout our life to depression, doubt, worry, anxiety and confusion. Is it any wonder that so many people feel a sense of directional loss and turn to drugs including Alcohol, pills, TV, Pornography, anger, violence, habitual lying, shopping, gambling and so many other harmful endeavours, all designed to quell the pain into submission, a way of finding that peace, even if just for a short time? The truth is we are all uniquely created to be who we were designed to be. The reason we feel all these things, even at a mild level is we simply do not recognise who we are although we do feel it. In the quietness, times of reflection, the holiday away from it all including ourselves we see glimpses. One simple example is a recognition of that feeling you get a few days before the end of the holiday? Clarity offers you fresh perspective born out of peace and quiet, stillness. Your spirit becomes like the Phoenix rising from the ashes, full of optimism for the future, the spirit within you ablaze. The night before however it can be quelled, maybe even consumed, devoured. Ego wrestles it into submission through a knotting in our stomach's, the most definable proof of all that all is not well and the spirit is battened down once more, to our quelling once more we return....It'll be ok we lie to ourselves.
So what prompted this page?
I was asked a question once, the question was this. "Who are you, tell me about yourself? I thought that this was a simple enough question to answer but it turned out it was not and I have spent the last few years answering this question for myself.
You see we are not who we think we are, we are not our jobs, our success or perceived failures, our cars, our house our children, where we holiday, who our friends are, where we eat and so on (this list is endless) The truth of the matter is, if we take anyone of these things away are we still not us? Of course we are... So the question remains who are you?
I have been fortunate in the last few years to walk through life with many different people from all walks of life looking at this and other questions, to guide thoughts and ideas, to gently nurture others along this road we share. In some they were not even aware of their plight, "it was who I thought I was" it was so "normal" to them, they were so pickled they were blind to their own suffering as we John Newton.
I have been told to share some of what I have learned on my journey with others in the same way I did with them and I have to say I have resisted until now. If any of what I have written above as an outline resonates with you (and the key here is to note when it resonates. If what you read feels right then do get in touch, your inner spirit is seldom wrong, ego however has an amazing ability to shush it, telling it "you don't need that, your fine as you are, you will work it out, it's not that bad etc etc) However, I have learnt to recognise the importance of trusting this.
Together we will find new ways of unpacking who we are in the strictest of confidence. I know I will not have all the answers but I do know we will have some fun along the way as we each learn more about one another. What I will insist upon is complete honesty and an open mind. As we work to release the vinegar from our eyes we will watch as the truth is revealed. What I am looking for is to work with just 1 or 2 people due to other commitments over 2 -4 months, if you are interested to know more please do message me or call. If you have any questions or you know someone who you feel could benefit from an initial conversation with no obligation do get in touch also.
